Journal Entry // April 10, 2021
My heart is steadfast, O God! I will sing and make melody with all my being!
Psalm 108:1 ESV
Steadfast = resolutely or dutifully firm and unwavering.
This verse gives me hope, but maybe not in the way that one would tend to think. My hope is buoyed from this verse as I think and reflect that David wrote this Psalm and was able to say this about his own heart. David, a man after God’s own heart, was able to say about his heart that it was steadfast. My hope arises as I remember that David did not live a perfect life nor a life that was not tainted by sin, fear, shame, guilt. David was a man that struggled in his heart to be faithful to our Lord just as I do. David was rebuked by the Lord for the sin in his waywardness, just as I have been. David failed at times to live up to the standard and calling that the Lord had given him, just as I have. Yet David can say that his heart is steadfast.
How can David say this about his heart? Because David knew that our God is a God of forgiveness. As David was confronted with his sin, he repented and sought the face of our Lord. He didn’t run and hide. He didn’t try to cover it over or make excuses. He owned his sinful wayward heart and offered it to the Lord in repentance and faith. This is the hope… The lesson from David that I want to integrate into my life is one of continual repentance. A life saturated with shining the light of the gospel into my heart and revealing the dark spots buried within. I don’t want to be afraid of that darkness any longer. I don’t want to cover it up any longer. I don’t want to ignore it any longer. I want to see it vanquished from my life.
This is a steadfast heart. It’s not a picture of victory over the darkness; raising our arms in triumph as the battle is finished. No, ours is a continual unwavering firm stance in the midst of the battle. The battle is for our hearts. The enemy wants to poison my mind -> heart -> soul. He wants to slip in his carcinogenic poison undetected into the weak areas of my life. There, if it goes undetected, it will steadily grow and nourish itself as it drains away my joy, happiness, and freedom in Christ. But like David, I need to be shining the light of God’s word continually into my heart. I need to be reflecting on what God’s word is revealing about the Lord and about myself. I need to be vigilant in fighting revealed sin. I need to stand firm and resolute in the fight.
Praise, the Lord I do not do this alone. The living Spirit dwells within me! He will reveal the darkness. He will eradicate it’s power and presence. He will strengthen me in my weakness. He will bring repentance into my life. He will shower me with forgiveness. And Jesus will draw close to me. He will wrap his arms around me and speak words of comfort and peace. In the midst of adversity and struggle, there is comfort. As Psalm 23 says – He has prepared a table before me in the presence of my enemies. So while I am in the midst of strife living in this world, Jesus prepare his table before me. To sit and dine with him in communion.
So yes, my heart is steadfast by the mercy and grace of Jesus alone. My prayer is that the Lord will continue to guard my heart. That he will build a hedge around my heart and keep the enemy at bay. That he will continue to reveal the darkness that still dwells within me and will bring the light of his glory and grace to bear in my life. That he will continue to humble me. He will continue to bring that necessary medicine to battle the cancerous thoughts, desires, and motives that still lurk. It is difficult and tiring and frustrating, but I know that God is shaping my heart to be steadfast for a purpose… to bring me safely home.