For this people’s heart has grown dull, and with their ears they can barely hear, and their eyes they have closed; lest they should see with their eyes and hear with their ears and understand with their heart and turn, and I would heal them.’
Acts 28:27 (ESV)
This morning I have been reading through the beginning chapters of 1 Kings, where king Solomon asked the Lord for wisdom to govern the people. He desired to have wisdom to know right from wrong so he could rightly govern the people. As I was reading through this and thinking forward to the whole of Solomon’s life, it struck me that even with this great wisdom to govern the people by knowing right from wrong Solomon still strayed from the path of righteousness – the good. Even with this great wisdom to discern right from wrong, Solomon faltered and strayed off the course of faithfulness to the Lord. I paused to ponder this and reflected on my life of seeking wisdom and understanding. My path was to fill my head with knowledge. I too am seeking wisdom. I too want to know and understand the world that God has created. I too want to be granted spiritual wisdom. Then in my reading, I was brought to this last chapter of Acts where Paul speaks about Isaiah 6 and chastises the people of God for the hearts having grown dull, their ears barely hearing, and their eyes being closed. This was Solomon. This is me.
The Lord has blessed me over the years and has gifted me with knowledge and understanding in a lot of areas. I was and still am a seeker of knowledge and understanding. I have an inquisitive desire to know how things work and why. I desire to have a breadth of knowledge about the world and about God. I have always considered my pursuit of knowledge like that of Solomon in a lot of ways. I desire to know these things so I can discern right from wrong. So I can better know and understand the Lord.
Reflecting back on my life prior to 2020, I see that my pursuit of knowledge and wisdom often became an idol of sorts. The Lord did bless me in this area and gave me wisdom. He gave me understanding. I had an understanding of the Scriptures. I knew right from wrong. Yet, like Solomon, I too strayed off course and began to ignore this understanding. My wisdom was turned to foolishness. It’s as though I am standing among the crowd listening to Paul in Rome as he gives this speech in Acts 28. He is speaking directly to me. My heart had become dull. My ears were barely hearing. My eyes were closed. Looking back, I can see this so clearly. I can readily see the ignorance that flowed from me in my decisions. I can hear the words of wisdom coming from others that I chose to ignore. I can see the fruit of my waywardness. I can feel the dullness of my heart at that time. And it all comes down on me in a flood of shame and guilt.
But God… But God does not leave me there. He does not leave any of us there. This verse begins with a hammer blow to break the rock encrusted façade that covers my heart. It hits hard to show me my deep need. Then, like a light in the darkness, there is Jesus. These things do not keep me from Jesus. No, they are the reason he came and died on the cross for me. He came to take away my each and every sin. He is not standing in judgement over me, he is standing with his arms spread wide to embrace me. What must I do? I must humble myself. I must admit and repent of my waywardness and failure. I must look at my sin and see it for the hideous monstrosity that it is and then turn and embrace the grace and mercy of Christ. He doesn’t need me to fix myself first. He wants me to come to him humble and broken. Then he will heal me. He alone will heal me. There is no other source of healing.
So how does this impact my life now? Knowledge and wisdom are good and I should still be seeking these things through the power of the Spirit. It cannot be academic. It cannot simply be a means of gathering information to fill my brain. Everything I learn is meant to draw me closer to Christ and to help others see Jesus. This is the usefulness of knowledge and wisdom. So I must take whatever I am learning and filter it through my heart. I must let the Lord of all wisdom and understanding change my heart through my learning. Then… Let this learning point me to the beauty of Jesus. Then… Take this learning of the beauty of Jesus and sharing it with others. Not for the applause of men, but simply because I love Jesus and I want others to give him love and praise as well. I want to see the name of Jesus worshipped and adored by all those around me.