“Son of man, these men have taken their idols into their hearts, and set the stumbling block of their iniquity before their faces. Should I indeed let myself be consulted by them?Ezekiel 14:3 ESV
How do we separate ourselves from the Lord? By taking our idols into our heart and setting the stumbling block of iniquity before our face. This is a ominous passage that speaks to the seriousness with which God considers sin and iniquity hidden within and the lack of concern that we show with these hidden sins. What are the idols that I have taken into my heart? What is the stumbling block that is before my face?
What will it take for me to truly understand the seriousness of the battle for my heart? I feel like I should know this by now. I have been thinking about my heart and the impact of secret sin and hidden idols that I keep present within me. Idols that I store securely within the hidden darkness of my heart. I write about it, I think about it, I pray about it, but every day it seems as though I am shown the depth of my failing. God has been slowly and gently revealing to me the ever present darkness that lies within my heart. It seems as though there is no end to my sin. It seems there is an infinite amount of idols being stored in my heart. Old stories being replayed over and over again in my mind. New stories being created and developed in my flesh. It seems as though I am stuck. As though there is the stumbling block of iniquity before my face that continues to trip me up as I pursue righteousness.
It scares me that I could be separated from God in this. That my sin could be so overwhelming and I could be so oblivious and hardhearted that I am actually turning away from Christ. But I know that Jesus forgives. I know that he has paid the full penalty of my sin on the cross. I know that I have been reconciled with the Father through Christ and the Spirit now lives in me. So why do I doubt?. Why do I look upon my failure and then doubt the goodness of God? Why do I listen to my flesh that beckons me to just be passive and enjoy life for all it’s worth, seeking pleasure in whatever form best pleases me?
I am weak and frail. I look upon my weakness as something to be rid of, but Christ looks upon my weakness as a means to teach me about dependence upon him alone for everything. I need to embrace my weakness and let it escort me to the heart of Christ. There I will receive mercy. There I will receive grace. There I will see the Father face to face. There I will be at perfect peace and rest.
Journal Entry // October 10, 2021