Journal Entry // May 8, 2022
They cried out, “Away with him, away with him, crucify him!” Pilate said to them, “Shall I crucify your King?” The chief priests answered, “We have no king but Caesar.”
John 19:15 ESV
I have read and heard this passage so many times over the years that it loses a lot of its force because of familiarity. This is probably true of a lot of passages, but this one today really struck me hard. I find it so simple to sit back in my 21st century modernity and look upon these chief priests with judgement and contempt. I want to measure their response with a harsh line of judgement. To be fair, their response was terrible. Yet, how is my response any different sometimes? Sure, I have not publicly decried Jesus as king and declared my allegiance solely to the earthly leadership over me. But in my heart? That is quite a different matter.
I am so often double-minded in my approach to life. I want to separate the secular and the sacred. I want to be holy but I also want what the world offers. I am so easily swayed and moved to say, “I have no king but Caesar.” I find sin so captivating at times and I freely give my allegiance to it for moments. It’s like I lose all sense of understanding. I find myself thinking and pondering about sin in my mind. I let that seed of darkness take root, which then grows and grows and grows. I hate and despise Caesar.
But praise the Lord that he is full of mercy and grace. He is steadfast and patient with me. He doesn’t just withdraw and leave me to my own blind deceptions. No, he convicts me of my weakness and tendency to wander off the path of righteousness. He is gracious and kind to me. He brings his Word to bear on my heart. He brings brothers and sisters into my path that remind me and point me back to Christ. The Spirit of the Living God has taken up residence in my heart and He shakes my world to get my attention and bring me to repentance.
O’ Lord, may this always be the case. May your Spirit continually convict me of my sin. May he continually remind me of my wandering eye. May he strengthen this weak vessel. Pour out your grace and mercy upon me each and every moment of each and every day. Lord… Draw me to yourself. Pursue me. Open my eyes so that I may see the King. That just like Thomas, you will show me your wounds if that is needed for my faith. Increase my faith Lord Jesus. I believe… Help my unbelief. Show me Jesus.