And when she pressed him hard with her words day after day, and urged him, his soul was vexed to death.
Judges 16:16 (ESV)
The story of Samson has always been a bit of an intrigue for me. It comes across as just a good story of an interesting character. A character who had his flaws and who also loved the Lord. This mix of passion for God and passion for the world always strikes me in a concerning way because I see a lot of Samson in my life. Which is why when I typically read his story, I tend to focus on the action of the fantastic elements of his story and character. As I read this morning and reflected on his interaction with Delilah, I saw more than just the pride of a man with all the strength of the Lord flowing out of him. I saw a man who flirted with sin until he finally fell.
Samson has placed himself in a relationship and a situation that is specifically designed to bring about his demise. In verse 4 we learn that Samson loved this woman in the Valley whose name was Delilah. It was not done in secret and was not hidden from the eyes of everyone. He was so open about this relationship that the lords of the Philistines knew about it and sought an opportunity to exploit it. I often wonder where my heart is being exposed like this. I need to be mindful of the attachment my heart has to the things of this world. I need to understand how I am engaging and giving my heart over to people and things that are not of the Lord. Those things that distract me from the grace and mercy of Jesus and capture my heart to draw me away from the Lord. For when my heart is so captivated and enraptured with this object of the world, the enemy of my God will use it against me. He will use that object of my desire to bring about my downfall and destruction.
When I read this part of the story, I tend to just read the different ways that Delilah uses to get Samson to reveal the secret to his strength and wonder at how Samson doesn’t see what she is doing. How can he not see the pattern of deception that is being laid out before him. The mistake I make in this reading is that I read this as happening over a short period of time. I tend to think that it took place at a pace of one event a day or maybe one a week. Yet, in reality I wonder if these events were more spaced out. If Delilah in her craftiness was only bringing this up every few weeks or so. It’s not so much the timeframe involved but the inability and casualness of Samson in dealing with her. She was literally coaxing him into revealing how he might be bound and subdued. It’s not as though she was hiding the purpose of her question. Samson was aware of her desired outcome, yet he chose to play along and tease the temptation. He thought he was beyond the reach of failure.
How does this work out in the story? His answers to her repeated question show his descent into failure. At first he plays with her by giving two answers that had nothing to do with the truth of his strength. But the third answer hits a little too close. The answer he gives involves his hair being braided. The thrill of this chase kept needing more and more danger. This is my pattern as well. It’s just a little lie. It’s just a minor misstep. I would never really act on this. I keep telling myself these things as I play with the temptations to sin my life. I can clearly see the devious nature of the temptation and the desire it has to bring my downfall, yet I enjoy the feeling of the danger. I enjoy that feeling at times more than I enjoy the love of my Father.
And just like Delilah, the temptations I allow to persist in my life continue to press hard against me day after day. They are like the waves of the ocean crashing against the beach. One after another after another after another. And I just stand there letting them break over me. So much so, that just like Samson my soul becomes vexed to death. Until finally, I give over my heart to the object of my desire. It’s not that I succumb to sin in a dispassionate clinical way. No, my heart is given over to the temptation. In that moment, I want that sin. I want it more than anything else in the world. I must have it. I convince myself that I can only be happy in this life with that object of my desire. So I give in fully and completely. I give my heart over to it.
Honestly, it is difficult to write those words because it is not just some theory for me. It is actuality. I can review my life and see the many different times and ways that I gave my heart over to some sin and temptation. Times where I was so deceived and wayward that I was in danger of leaving the God I love. But God… But God did not leave me at any point. He rescued me each and every time. There were always consequences to my sinful waywardness, but the heart of my Savior is gentle and lowly. He is full of compassion and mercy and grace. He awakened my soul each time and shook me free from the spell of disillusionment and brought me back to reason and understanding. How? He humbled me.
Just like Samson in this story, I need to be humbled all the time. What I am slowly learning in my life is that it is far better to humble myself than to be humbled. It is better to be brutally honest with myself about the state of my heart and the darkness within than to wear a mask and fake it. True humility is needed in my life. I need to see and feel the depth of the darkness of sin in my heart. I need to examine and see all the many ways I am desiring sin. Then I can take this to the cross of Christ. I can humble myself by admitting my sinfulness and willingness to wander off the path of obedience. I can bring my wayward messed up heart to Jesus in the depth of my despair and find forgiveness, comfort, rest, and joy. The very things temptation offer me are only found in the heart of Jesus. So I need to keep bringing my sin to Christ. Keep seeking Him and Him alone.