Holy Trust

Journal Entry // January 30, 2021

Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.

Psalm 20:7 ESV

Is this statement true for me in my moment by moment life? I know that in a general sense, I would acknowledge this without hesitation. My desire and my hope is trusting in the name of the Lord. I want this to be the life rhythm of my heart. But do I actually trust the Lord? What do my actions and heart tell me about this trust? It’s easy to just walk through life believing something to be true without actually possessing it. If I am honest with myself, I’m not so sure I completely and fully trust the Lord. I fear that I am trusting in the things of this world or worse yet, I am trusting in myself.

I fear that I am far too easily swayed by temptation and sin. That my flesh holds more power over me than I realize. I have been humbled by the Lord and brought low by his good and righteous hand. I have tasted the result and consequences of hidden sin in my life. I have experienced what the judgement of God feels like when executed in such a small and loving way. I know the pain and heartache, shame and guilt, powerlessness and humility that comes with a fall from pride and attitude. When the Lord God rebuked me for the sin and darkness that I let run free in my heart.

Yet with all of that, I still feel the darkness in my heart and the flesh of my pride rising up at times. I feel this pull toward self-centeredness. A pull that overwhelms at times. Sin seems to be like a river flowing toward the sea. This unstoppable, unrelenting force that wants to run through and overwhelm anything that stands in its way. But I know that this is not true.

I know that the Spirit dwells within me. That the Spirit within me is more powerful than anything and everything. That with God at my side, I am more than a conqueror. I am a child of God. I am loved by my good and holy Father. That he dwells within me and works all things for my good and his glory. That even this constant struggle against sin in my heart is to give glory to his name.

May we shout for joy over your salvation, and in the name of our God set up our banners! May the LORD fulfill all your petitions! Psalm 20:5 ESV

This is the answer… It’s not about me or about anything I may do in this life that is good or honoring to Christ. It is about what Christ has done for me. It’s about God reaching down and saving this pitiful man. My joy is in Christ! My banner is the name of Christ! My life is wholly and completely his. This is my focus and the desire of my heart. Now… Set my mind on Christ and him alone!