Philemon 13–14 (ESV)
I would have been glad to keep him with me, in order that he might serve me on your behalf during my imprisonment for the gospel, [14] but I preferred to do nothing without your consent in order that your goodness might not be by compulsion but of your own accord.
I love this sincere honesty that comes from Paul as he writes to Philemon. He has a desire to have Onesimus stay with him as a faithful servant because not only is Onesimus helpful and faithful to him, but there is a heart connection with him. Paul sees his usefulness during this imprisonment on both a physical and heart level. There is some emotional connection there. So even though he desires to keep Onesimus with him to help in his time of need, he knows that the proper action is to send him back to Philemon, who Onesimus is a bondservant. Even though Paul can justify this action in his mind and to others, he doesn’t want to compel Philemon to be backed into a corner where he doesn’t really have any option but to do as Paul requires. Paul takes the position of not compelling Philemon to do as he asked, but to appeal to Philemon to give freely toward the need Paul has during his imprisonment.
This is a great picture of faith and humility that we see in Paul. It is true that you could argue that Paul is still giving Philemon a fair amount of guilt and justification to do as Paul desires. Paul is reminding Philemon of the benefits of the freedom in Christ that he has received and teaching us all that every believer has this same freedom in Christ. Onesimus is no longer just a bondservant. He is a beloved brother who is a bondservant. Their functional life situation has not changed. What has changed is the relational dynamic.
How do I see this impacting my life? It is important to remember that the relational dynamic of faith is of great importance. There are and will be multiple situations where work or a committee or just life places me in a role that has authority over another, or where I am under the authority of another. It is important to see the relational impact that faith has in these situations. Whether they are brothers and sisters in the Lord or they are outside the family of God, people are important and need to be treated respectfully. Each and every person I am in contact with deserves the respect and kindness of Christ be shown to them. This is how Jesus interacted with everyone. He was gentle, kind, and patient. This is how I want to be with everyone.
I am often so self-centered that I make every interaction about my felt needs, my pride, or even my faith. I want to be so relationally sensitive that I am always seeking to show Jesus to the person in front of me. That is obviously not always easy. There is a lot going on internally in my head and in the head of the other. So how can I show Jesus to each person? I think the starting point is simple this: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. If I can demonstrate these characteristics in each relational interaction, the love of Christ will be obvious.