A Wasting Silence

Journal Entry / February 7, 2021

For when I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long.

Psalm 32:3 ESV

The beginning of Psalm 32 was a reflection about secret sin that is harbored in our heart and goes unacknowledged before the Lord. It’s that sin that we know about that resides deep within us and we both hate and love it at the same time. We have a double-minded relationship with this secret sin. David tells us that this harboring of secret sin in our heart is killing us, both in our spiritual walk and in our physical bodies. He tells us that his silence before the Lord about this sin was causing his bones to waste away. He could feel his physical body responding and reacting negatively to this cover up happening in his heart.

He goes on to say that the Lord’s hand was heavy upon him. That the Lord was working to get David’s attention about this secret sin. This heavy handedness took away David’s strength. I think it probably refers to both his physical and spiritual strength. Hiding secret sin from the Lord is a full time job. It requires a lot of mental energy to continually deny and set aside the guilt and shame that builds up. We extend a lot of energy running from the Lord to keep sin secret.

The solution is simple… Acknowledge your sin to the Lord and he will forgive you. Our secret sin is really no secret at all. It is really just unacknowledged sin in our heart, that we cover up and hide from ourselves. The Lord knows every minute detail of our sin and is waiting for us to come to him for forgiveness. Forgiveness is freely given. It is joyful for the Lord to forgive. As we acknowledge our sin before him, he is pleased to forgive and restore us.

This is the hidden detail of secret sin in my heart. I am so use to hiding it from myself and others, that I deceive myself into thinking that I can hide my sin from God. That my secret sin is just that… a secret. It is only when I turn to Christ and start running toward him that I truly break the cycle. When I try to fight sin in my own strength to show the Lord my devotion, I will surely fail. I must offer right sacrifices before the Lord. And that right sacrifice is acknowledging that I am weak and need the healing restorative strength of the Lord. That sin is only secret because I want if to be. Jesus wants me to come to him in humbleness. That as I acknowledge my sin and dependence upon the Lord, he will heal me. He will rescue me. He will be my Rock a my fortress… Forever.

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