House in Ruins

Journal Entry // December 24, 2021

You looked for much, and behold, it came to little. And when you brought it home, I blew it away. Why? declares the LORD of hosts. Because of my house that lies in ruins, while each of you busies himself with his own house.

Haggai 1:9 ESV

Wrong priorities… This is the subject brought to mind during my reading of Haggai this morning. This word from the Lord to the people of Israel is just as relevant to me today as it was for them. I am struck deeply by the conviction of how easily I let the worries of caring for my own house (my life and my priorities) overshadow the ruining of my spiritual house (loving God with all my heart, soul, mind, strength).

I look back over the years and I see this truth being played out in a thousand different ways. A thousand different choices and moments where I chose my house over the house of God. I continually chose to build up and fortify my own, while neglecting or just giving patchwork to my spiritual house.

What I mean is that I oftentimes played at spiritual house. I was going about the business of caring for my relationship with Christ, but it was a facade. I can see that looking back, but in the moment I did not feel that. In the moment I was doing my “duty”. I was reading my Bible consistently. I was involved in ministry. I was attested as doing great things for the kingdom of God. And this was enough… I settled for man’s praise and that’s what I received. I began to see my spiritual inner state through the eyes of outsiders. My outward appearance became the gauge I looked at for validation.

The whole time God was convicting me. He was pointing out the fallacy of my thoughts and the danger I was headed towards. But I wouldn’t listen. I was still looking at the outward gauges telling me that I was doing great. I was letting God’s house, my inner sanctuary temple, fall apart.

Now God has my attention. It took God blowing away everything I depended upon. So that all that remained was himself. It’s just me and the Lord working to repair my inner house and set my priorities in alignment with his own. He is working in me each and every day to reveal the depth of sin in my heart. To show me the heinous nature of the darkness lingering still within me. He is continuing to draw me closer and closer to himself. Opening my eyes to the purpose of my life. A simple purpose.

Love the Lord my God with all my heart, with all my soul, with all my mind, and with all my strength. So simple… This journey began with my crying out for change. Crying out to be delivered from my complacency. Crying out for God to dwell with me as he did with David. So we walk this path together. Hand in hand he leads me. Through the desert we walk. SLOWLY. I want to hurry through this phase, but he has so much more to teach me here. Through the pain and heartache I am learning to trust Jesus completely. I am learning that my relationship with Christ is the only thing that matters in the end. If I love God with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength then everything else will be taken care of. I will love people. I will be humble. I will glorify the Lord with every single breath. And one day soon, he will call me home.