Journal Entry // May 5. 2021
I pour out my complaint before him; I tell my trouble before him.Psalm 142:2 ESV
I need to spend more time meditating over this entire Psalm as it speaks directly into how I am feeling at the moment. There is such a simple and honest truth about the words and picture that David uses in this psalm that convey his feelings and emotions. You can feel his desperation, his anxiousness, his fear as he works through his soul.
It’s this beginning part that intrigues me the most this morning. It is important to note that David starts the psalm by first stating that he cries out to the Lord with his voice. This is not some simple non-verbal thought where David is talking in his head. No, this is an outward crying, pleading, pouring out, and telling of the deepest parts of his soul to the Lord. An audible conversation that is spoken aloud for David and God to hear. There is something meaningful in this act as I reflect on my own times of crying out. Times when thoughts lifted up to the Lord are just not enough. Times when I need my voice to give feet to my emotions and feelings. Times when I need to hear myself admit the inward turmoil and the effect it is having on me.
My voice is a powerful gauge of the state of my heart and soul. It is easy enough to fool myself by keeping my prayers inside my head. It’s easy to control and suppress the inner turmoil. But giving voice to the story inside me is helpful. It’s helpful to let me better understand that turmoil rumbling around inside me. To lift the lid a bit and release some of the built-up stream and pressure. And who better to release this onto than my great Redeemer. The one who invites me to draw near to him.
So as I give voice to my inward soul by crying out, I can plead for mercy and pour out my complaint and tell my trouble. I know these three are important. It needs more than this small process, but as a beginning this gives me an understanding that my present circumstances are important to the Lord. That giving voice to what I am experiencing helps acknowledge the trueness of the experience. For I need God’s mercy. I need God’s mercy as I lift my complaint and tell of my trouble. Why? Because it is the Lord who has determined for me to be in this current state. It is he who provides and guides. So I need God’s mercy and grace deep within me.
Yet he invites me to share and relate to him with my emotions and feelings. He loves me. And in his love I can come before him in open honesty and pour out my soul. I can bow my head before him in humility and let him pour his oil of grace upon my head. My father loves me truly.