Journal Entry // May 7, 2021
The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.Psalm 145:18 ESV
The Lord is near. He is not far away from me that it requires him to delay in hearing me. He is here with me even now in this moment. As I call upon him in truth. His truth. His word of truth spoken through the lives of faithful men and women through the ages. His word kept pure and holy. His true word.
It is so easy to forget this implicit truth throughout the Bible. God himself has drawn near to me and makes his home in my heart. My soul is in fellowship with the Lord. He cares for me. He loves me. He is patient and kind to me. He is working even now in this moment to purify my heart.
I know I’m not ready for the next step in this process and I understand that this current state is the best place for me to continue in recovery. It’s easy to think that I’m ready and have put the past behind me, but I know that I am generally not quite ready to enter again into the world. I still need this protected limited exposure to people. My flesh is still weak and continues to influence my heart away from Jesus. The Lord’s merciful hand is upon me and graciously holds me steady.
I unfortunately tend to see this time from a negative aspect and view this as a punishment that I must endure and hope for a day when better days will come. But this is a lie. This may very well be a punishment for sin and consequences of my poor choices. This is also a time of sabbath rest. There were seventeen years of giving my life fully to the work God had called me into. Years of working for good and right things with every ounce of my life. Years of pouring out my strength and not replenishing at a similar rate with the Spirit of Christ.
This is my year of jubilee. A time to let my heart and soul be replenished in the Spirit. To purify my heart and soul through the word of God. To remove all the callous areas that have grown over and covered wounds that never rightly healed. A time to examine the deep places of my heart and soul and drink deeply of the river of life. That water of the Spirit that quenches my true thirst. A time to really take serious Psalm 23 and sit at the table the Lord has prepared for me. To enjoy his presence and fill up my soul with his love and mercy and grace.