Journal Entry // July 28, 2022
For God is not a God of confusion but of peace. (ESV)1 Corinthians 14:33a
I have been thinking a lot about my present situation and feeling the pressure of being overwhelmed with the amount of high level of uncertainty and confusion. I know that in my prayers I have often cried out that I am confused. That my mind is unable to handle all of the different pressure points that are pushing in on me consistently. Confusion in my mind has been leading me to despair and to a lack of hope. This confusion is always pushing me to lose faith in the goodness of God. Yet, God is not bringing about confusion. God is bringing about peace. Where there is confusion in my mind, there is only the sin of pride. The Father offers me peace in this time of confusion. He is the Lord of peace. He is sovereign. He is working in my life to conform me to the image of Christ. His goal and agenda is not secret nor is it hidden for all things are from him and through him and to him.
So why am I confused? Surely it is because my pride has risen up and is looking at the present situation through the lens of selfish ambition and worldly appearances. I see others around me who are seemingly thriving in areas that I feel a drought. When I see the arid soil in my life, I then covet the more temperate conditions of my friend’s life. My pride is so simple and it clings so strong to my heart. It makes me call into question everything that is happening. My pride doesn’t want to live in adversity and it certainly doesn’t want to embrace humility.
Humility… That word keeps popping up in my journal this past week or so. It is this embracing of humility that the Lord is teaching me. My God of peace knows that it is in humility that I will find peace. Do I want to be like Jesus? Embrace humility. Do I want joy? Embrace humility. This is the answer to all my questions at the moment. Did Jesus embrace anything less? No, Jesus was only humble and gentle of heart. He only sought to do the will of the Father. Can I say the same?
For if I am going to embrace humility then I am going to serve the will of God. My life is to be a picture of humble obedience. Embracing peace means to embrace the circumstances of life that God has placed me. Why has he placed me in this particular situation? For my good and his glory. Just because I am not able to see this, doesn’t make it untrue. All of this is for my good. I know this because my walk with Christ has never been stronger. My faith has never been deeper. My relationship with Jesus becomes more intimate every day. And still, he stretches me. And still, he exercises my faith. He challenges me to greater intimacy. He moves me into deeper relationship with himself. To do this involves the destruction of sin in my heart. It involves the hard work of repentance and faith. When I forget this, I get confused. When God brings peace, I remember that my Father loves me completely and perfectly. He is only demonstrating love to me in the same manner that he did with his own Son.
Lord Jesus… You are my peace in this sea of confusion. You are the one who can say to the storm around me, “Peace, be calm.” This is where I want my mind to find comfort. I want my mind to find comfort in you alone. You have humbled me. You are continuing to humble me. I know that humility before the God of the universe is the beginning of all things. I need to better understand who God is and who I am. I am a servant of the Most High. Here to serve my loving Father wherever he calls and leads me. You have called me to a low place at the moment. Will I not accept it? Yes, Lord. Teach me to trust you completely and without hesitation. Let this world and all of its distractions fade away and let me focus my eyes on simply Jesus. Let this be the center of my thoughts… Simply Jesus.