Journal Entry // May 12, 2021
Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.Proverbs 3:5 ESV
There is an inherent danger in seeking knowledge without wisdom. Knowledge for the sake of knowledge itself will lead to a heart puffed up with pride and self-reliance. This knowledge seeking is highly valued by the world and is seen as a mark of success. It’s a knowledge that is demonstrated and performed for the world around in order to bring praise and honor to the self. Breeding pride and arrogance in a person’s heart. Teaching them to rely only on their own understanding.
Wisdom. Wisdom is what we should truly be after in this life. Wisdom takes the knowledge that we are gaining and filters it through the lens of God’s holy word and teaches us to fear and trust the Lord. Wisdom applies the truth of God to each and every situation. Wisdom allows us to apply knowledge to faithful obedience. Acknowledging the Lord in all our ways.
I am not to lean on my own understanding, but wholly trust in the Lord. This is the danger of keeping my thoughts inside my head. I desire to keep my thoughts isolated from others for multiple reasons, but mainly because it is easier to trust in my own understanding. What I lose sight of in the process is that my thinking can become faulty. I may have a depth of understanding about a particular situation and I may even feel that my thinking is correct, but if it is only in my head how am I to recognize when it is faulty? How will I notice that I am off track?
This is the danger of my own understanding. It is far too easy to believe and convince myself that my thinking is pure and biblical, even in the midst of sin. I am adept at using my understanding to justify my waywardness and not even recognize it as waywardness. I need to trust in the lord with my whole heart. What does this mean?
It has to mean at least two things. First, I must be digging into God’s word and working hard to expose the lies and deceptions where my heart has gone astray. A casual reading of his word to mark off on a to-do list will not do. I must be taking the light of God’s word and shining it into the many crevices and dark areas of my heart. Second, I need others to help me see and understand where my faulty thinking has misled me. And to do this I need to be open and vulnerable. I need to share what’s in my heart with someone. I need vulnerability. I need to expose my heart and let others in. Asking them to speak truth to me.
Both of these are dangerous in their own way. Exposing my heart to God’s revealing word is difficult in that it exposes the continued sin still raging that needs to be dealt with. Exposing my heart to others opens me up to being hurt and disappointed. But this is why we trust in the Lord with our whole heart. This is why the beginning of wisdom is the fear of the Lord.
I expose my heart to pain and heartache not because I am looking for attention or commendation from those around me. Quite the opposite. I am looking for commendation from God. I am looking for him to tell me how proud he is of me. In this world, I will only ever receive shame and ridicule from the world. That is my expectation. People are apt to make judgements about people with half truth and misinformation. That’s the way of the world. My savior… He knows me intimately and he loves me. He knows every intention of my heart and he still loves me.
That’s my motivation. People are people and they will let you down. Jesus is steadfast in his love. Jesus is always at home within my heart. All these worries and fears that I carry with me will be washed away on that final day. That day when I see Jesus face to face. Then… I will truly understand. I will have true wisdom and understanding. And all these things that I worry about will vanish in an instant. I won’t care about vindication or hurt or wrongs in my life. I will fully understand that the trials and adversity, the blessings and joy were all meant to prepare me for this moment before Christ. It will all fade away as I gaze into the loving eyes of Jesus and realize that he is truly all I need and all I truly ever