Journal Entry // September 5, 2022
This is a light thing in the sight of the LORD. He will also give the Moabites into your hand, (ESV)
2 Kings 3:18
There are so many instances of the Lord providing miraculous answers to prayers and requests that they seem to wash over me as I read through both the Old and New Testaments. The miracles that are presented in the Word of God are plentiful enough but I seem to have lost my sense of wonder and amazement at them all. I don’t know if it’s because I have read these stories multiple times and they have become expected and therefore ordinary or if I have let a modern mindset creep into my head and bring with it a bit of skepticism and doubt. As I contemplate this thought I begin to think it is more of a lack of faith on my part. I read about these amazing miracles in the Bible and I am encouraged to see the ways that God provides for his people but then I think upon my own heart and feel that same old doubt creep in. Not that I doubt God can still provide, but I doubt that he will provide particularly for me in a specific and particular answer.
It’s interesting to contemplate my thoughts on this because I absolutely believe that God can and will provide in miraculous and amazing ways. I believe that God has and does give answers to seemingly impossible questions and concerns. I know that these are light things in the sight of the Lord. I have even experienced these huge miracles that only God can provide. Even with all of this, I still doubt God’s tender mercy and care for me. I have seen God answer hundreds of prayers over the last couple of years. Some in ways that overwhelmingly demonstrate the hand of God moving in my life. I have seen and experienced God’s tender care for me in every area of my life except one particular area. One particular area of concern that creates tension and struggle in my daily life. God has already provided for me in this particular area, but it is not the answer I want.
This is the issue at hand for me at the moment. I see all these amazing answers that God has provided in multiple different areas for me. I even see and understand that he has provided in this particular area, but in a way that is proving difficult. His answer has brought adversity and challenge to me and is not pleasing on multiple levels. This is my struggle. I know it is a light thing for him. I know that he has given me exactly what I need in this area. He is teaching me. He is training me. He is changing me. He is humbling me. He is making me more like Jesus every day. When I step back and look at the bigger picture I can see the beauty of the challenge in the answer. I can see the movement of the Spirit in my life during this trial. I can see the purpose of God bringing me into conformity with his perfect law.
I want change though. I want God to bring an answer in this area that is more pleasing to me. What does God want from me in this? Love… Joy… Peace… Patience… Kindness… Goodness… Faithfulness… Gentleness… Self-control. This is what the Lord expects of me each and every day. He has provided and he continues to provide. The answer may not be the one I expected, but his provision for me is exactly what I need. His answer is about bringing humility to me. His provision is about teaching me to depend simply on Christ for everything. God’s provision and answer is a light thing in his eyes. There is absolutely nothing beyond the reach of God. He loves me and provides for me in tender and comforting ways. His provision is less about my material comfort and more about my spiritual reformation. The Lord is after my heart and I want my heart to be after him alone. So I will keep praying for a new provision in this area but I will take joy in comfort knowing that the Lord provides exactly what I need exactly when I need it. All for his glory alone.