Journal Entry// May 26, 2021
Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but the LORD weighs the heart.
Proverbs 21:2 ESV
How do we discern the rightness of our ways? It is true that in every decision there is a level of acknowledgement that what I am doing seems right. That I typically choose my every step based on the rightness of it in my understanding. There are going to be times where I choose something I know isn’t right, but even then I provide a sense of rightness to the decision even if I have to lie to myself.
I know that the weighing of my own heart takes place in reading, studying, and meditating on God’s holy word. That daily reflection and scrutiny will reveal to me those areas where I have gone astray. These are the times to let the Lord weigh my heart. To measure my intentions. To examine and refine my life and faith. As I come in humility and faith… He will change me.
But I still get trapped in the snare of the Deceiver. I still hear the world calling out to me with every temptation. My flesh still yearns for pleasure, control, and apathy. These haven’t gone away. They seemingly have continued to increase in quantity and intensity over the past 18 months. I don’t know if that statement is true. It may be that the Spirit within me has simply made me more sensitive and aware of these things.
This all leads to the single conclusion that I cannot trust myself. I cannot trust that my every decision is not tainted by the mark of sin. I cannot trust that my intentions are not full of pride and arrogance. I fear that each and every step I take is a lie. I worry that I have an amazing ability to convince myself that I am single-minded and fully committed to Jesus, when in fact I am a double-minded pretender.
I want life to be simple. I want faith to make this journey simple and easy. But faith makes life more complicated. Faith informs me that the simple life is only found in the path that leads to destruction. The path that leads to life is a path that leads through the dangers, trials, and suffering of this world. The Path of Life is not one of ease and comfort, but leads to an eternal comfort.
Delight yourself in the Lord…
Commit your ways to the Lord…
Be still before the Lord…
This is the pattern that gives confidence in the weighing of my heart. This is the simplicity that I desire. Not an easy comfortable life, but a faith that is focused on Christ. A life that gives every waking moment to the Lord. All things being laid bare before my savior. Everything I do and say will have the taint of sin, but as I present them through Christ he will cleanse them in his righteousness and present them for me. I can rest in comfort and peace knowing that Jesus has made his home in my heart and he is steadfast in his love. Never ever leaving or forsaking. Always embracing and speaking words of grace and mercy to my wayward heart.