And as he reasoned about righteousness and self-control and the coming judgment, Felix was alarmed and said, “Go away for the present. When I get an opportunity I will summon you.”
Acts 24:25 (ESV)
What do we do when we encounter a Biblical truth that runs contrary to our current lifestyle or comfort level with sin? Often, we respond to God in the same manner that Felix responds to Paul after hearing the gospel proclaimed before him. Our first instinct is to remove from our presence the offending words calling us to repentance and faith. Like Felix, we put them away from us so that we may go on about our life as we see fit. To soften the decision we may even tell ourselves that we will think about this later, when we’re ready. I know this is true in my own life. There have been numerous times where the Lord brought spiritual insight and conviction into my heart about a particular sin and my response was exactly the same as Felix. I set it aside and told myself I would work on this at the next opportunity. All because I still wanted my sin more than I wanted Jesus.
This is a hard truth to admit out loud. It’s difficult to come to terms with the stubborn waywardness of my heart. Of course, in the moment I may not realize what I am doing. I may even be gripped with conviction and a desire for repentance, but I too easily set it aside so that I may continue on in my own habits and desires. It’s difficult to read these words and to understand the coldness of my heart at times to the calling of Christ in my life. I find myself treating Jesus as just another friend in my group of relationships. I love him. I love him deeply. Yet, I often only spend time with him when I am ready to spend time with him. What I mean is that I go about my life as if he isn’t there and when I miss him or feel some conviction in my heart, I will call out to him and spend time with him. I forget that Jesus is more than just my friend. I am united with him. The Spirit of Christ dwells within me at all times. I am in relationship with him. So when the call of conviction comes to my heart, it is easy to push him away because I neglect the objective truth that the Holy Spirit lives in my heart.
So what is the proper response to this call of conviction? We see this in 2 Samuel 24 when David numbers the tribes of Israel so he could glory in the abundance of his kingdom and rule. His advisors tried to persuade him out of it, but he was determined to see his sin be done. In verse 10, we learn that David’s heart was struck after the sin was completed. This was his Paul before Felix moment. The conviction and revelation of sin in his heart was now brought to the forefront of his attention and called for a response. What was David’s response, “I have sinned greatly in what I have done. But now, O Lord, please take away the iniquity of your servant, for I have done very foolishly.”
Repentance. Was David perfect? By no means. But David was sensitive to the word of Christ speaking to his heart. When God spoke works of conviction and revealed the truth of sin darkening his very heart and soul, David was quick to repent and turn to the Lord. This is what I need every moment of every day. I will by no means be able to live a sinless life. I will still wander away from the truth of God’s Word. I will still find myself yearning for the things of this world. I will still find myself gazing at the alluring nature of sin and temptation.
What I want and need are two things. First, I need a sensitive heart. A heart that more easily and readily hears the gentle whisper of God speaking truth into my life. The gracious words of Christ calling me to examine my heart and repent. Second, I need a humble heart. A heart that doesn’t ignore the warning. A heart that doesn’t send the warning away because it is too difficult to deal with. I need a humble heart that isn’t afraid to admit that sin has a grip on my heart and I can only cling to Jesus for forgiveness. A humble heart to acknowledge that I am weak. I am weak and broken. A heart to understand that Jesus came and died just for this very moment. He is not tired of me repeating these steps of repentance and faith. His heart is gentle and lowly. He desires for me to cast all my anxiousness and worries onto him. In so doing, I am now free. Free to truly love and commune with my Savior friend. For he knows me intimately. There is nothing hidden from him. It is only me hiding it from myself and others.