And so in the matter of the envoys of the princes of Babylon, who had been sent to him to inquire about the sign that had been done in the land, God left him to himself, in order to test him and to know all that was in his heart.
2 Chronicles 32:31 (ESV)
In my reading this morning, I was surprised to find this verse seemingly tagged onto the end of the recounting of the life of Hezekiah. Surprised in the sense that it reads somewhat harsh in the context of the chapter. Yet, it is a truth that speaks to not only how God dealt with Hezekiah and the people of the Old Testament, but how he continues to deal with His people. There is a general feeling today that if God is distant or if has seemingly hidden himself from you, then there is something wrong with you. We often treat these moments of God leaving us to ourselves as though we have done something to offend or that the love of God vacillates. In our pride, we continue to believe that the love of God is conditional and dependent upon on strict obedience. We neglect the beauty of God’s love in this moment with Hezekiah. God leaves Hezekiah to himself not out of punishment and not out of spite but out of love. He does this in order to test the heart of Hezekiah and reveal his motivations and intentions. Does God do this because he doesn’t already know Hezekiah’s heart? Quite the opposite. God knows the depth of Hezekiah’s heart. The person who is oblivious to this is Hezekiah himself.
I find this to be true in my life. There are moments in my life when I am acutely aware that the Lord has left me to myself. There are times when my reading of God’s Word is stale and dry. There are times when my prayers seem rote and mundane. There are times when I don’t desire intimacy with Christ. These are the moments were the Lord has left me to myself to test me and to know all that is in my heart. And by that I mean that he is allowing me to unmask my heart.
The envoys came from Babylon to spy out the land and Hezekiah helped them. There was nothing in the kingdom that Hezekiah did not show them. In his pride, Hezekiah gave these envoys full access to the treasures of his kingdom. He revealed all that he had. It was even more than that though. It was his pride that led him in this. He didn’t show off the treasuries to praise God for all that was provided. He opened the treasuries to display the magnitude of the wealth he had gathered to himself.
This same sin is in me as well and I need to be tested. I need to have my heart revealed before God. Not that God doesn’t already know what is in my heart. I need this so I can better understand what is in my heart. I need to see the depth of sin in my own heart. I need God to pull back and let me live out of my own strength at times. I need this so I can be reminded of the grip that sin has on my heart. I need to have my eyes opened to the lies that I am constructing and believing.
The question being asked of me in this testing is the same one that Jesus asked his disciples, “Do you love me more than these?” Do I love Jesus more than my treasure.? Do I love Jesus more than the praise of friends and co-workers? Do I love Jesus more than myself? Do I love Jesus because He is Jesus? You see, He loves me because he loves me. He doesn’t love me for what I can bring or give to him. He just loves me. Can I say the same or is my love for Jesus based on the blessings he gives me? Is my love for him conditional?
This is why I need to have my heart tested. I need to have the veil pulled away that I sometimes place over my heart. I find myself wanting to hide from God and from people. I don’t want to be vulnerable. I don’t want to be exposed. I don’t want people or God to see what is truly in my heart at times. I don’t want this because I don’t want to see that either. So I ignore it and cover it up. I deny the grip that sin has on my heart. I deny it so often, that I begin to believe it is true. And in so doing, the grip gets tighter and tighter. It is only when God leaves me to myself to test my heart, that I become acutely aware of my sinful heart and my need for Jesus. I need to be reminded in every moment that I need Jesus. I need Jesus in every breath that I take. And the wonderful and beautiful truth is that Jesus is there with me in every breath. He dwells with me in my heart. He is my constant companion. He is steadfast and true. His love is ever present with me.