Fearful Truth

Journal Entry // February 17, 2021

But the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came in fear and trembling and fell down before him and told him the whole truth.

Mark 5:33 ESV

This is the key to faithfulness and humility in life as we continue to live in this world of trials, temptations, and struggles. This woman had done all she knew to do in this world to find healing for her body. She struggled and fought to find healing, so when she realized that Jesus could heal her in an instant she reached out and took hold by faith. When Jesus confronted the crowd with his questioning of who obtained healing without permission, the woman stepped forward in fear. And in her fear, she told the whole truth to Jesus. She revealed the motive of her heart to Jesus and he gave forgiveness and blessing.

This is the key element of the encounter I want to take away and meditate a bit more about. This faithfulness to deal with sin rightly before the Lord. To deal with sin in my heart rightly, I need to come before Jesus in fear and trembling. Not as a criminal before a judge, but as a son before his Father. Fear and trembling with humility. The humility to realize my heart is capable of wickedness and the only cure is found in the mercy and grace of Jesus. So I should come before him and speak the truth of my sin to him and to myself. No cover up and no half-truths. Only complete truth before the Lord.

I think a lot of times I am so ashamed of not only the sin in my heart but the desire for sin, that I want to hide the depth and darkness of sin away from the Lord and away from myself. As though if I don’t think about it or if I ignore it, then it’s not really that bad. The problem being that as I ignore my sin and the depth of desire and the control it has in my heart, then I provide the soil where sin can continue to grow and grip my heart ever more tightly. It’s like picking the green parts of a weed that are visible above the ground. Sure the weed appears to have been dealt with and the ground may look pristine and free of weeds. But in truth, the weeds are still there as the roots below ground are still active and still growing and still producing as they had before. And as the roots of the weed are still not dealt with properly, they will once again present themselves above ground and mar the beauty of the garden.

The only way to deal with the root of sin in my heart is with truth and humility before Christ. Exploring the depth of control and ugliness that sin has captured in my heart. I need to deal with the outward appearance of sin to be sure, but I don’t need to stop there. I need to be faithful and obedient in my actions, in my heart, and in my soul. So how do I do this? That’s the key question. It’s great to think about these things and to even begin putting them into practice, but what does it truly look like to have complete honesty in my heart before Christ and myself?

Jesus is gentle and lowly in heart… He wants me to deal with the sin in my heart and he wants to bring forgiveness. He wants to walk with me in this battle for obedience and godliness. Jesus is my advocate in this battle. If I am only viewing him as the harsh judge meting out punishment, then I will hide and cover up. No, I need to understand that Jesus is vigilant and decisive in dealing with sin and will do what is necessary to bring about righteousness in my life. He is active and involved in the process. He is invested in my heart and wants to see me changing and transforming each and every day. His blood has redeemed me and he is my biggest cheerleader in my journey toward holiness. He is the only one I can be completely honest with because he not only understands but he already knows. He knows the depth of sin in my heart. He knows the darkness that lurks in the recesses of my heart. He knows all this and calls me to be wholly truthful.

There is guilt and shame to be sure. That’s what sin brings along. But Jesus offers forgiveness and cleansing and love and mercy and grace. So I need to come to him with an open heart in humility exploring the depths of my heart and soul on an expedition to rid myself off pride and arrogance. A journey to become more like my Savior each and every day. Knowing that one day I will see him face to face. There I will see the beauty of Christ and understand the heinousness of sin. There the fight with sin will be completed and Jesus will completely remove all traces of sin. So I set this hope before me and carry on in this struggle knowing that my Savior loves me, forgives me, and equips me for holiness. In humility and weakness I carry on in his strength alone.