Journal Entry // March 30, 2021
I tell you, this man went down to his house justified, rather than the other. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted.”Luke 18:14 ESV
Here it is again… Humility. I assume this is going to be the running pattern this week. That the Spirit is even now preparing me for a deep lesson in humility. I feel as though I have been learning this lesson for quite a while now, but obviously there is still much to learn and my heart is still in desperate need of change. I don’t doubt that for one moment. I know my heart is nowhere near the point of having learned the lesson of humility. My heart is still proud and arrogant. It still seeks after the fleeting things of this world that give a false pleasure. My heart still wants to show itself as the center of all creation.
But here is Jesus once again telling me that true happiness is found in humility. That it is only in our humility that we can be exalted. That we should follow his own person life lesson of humility. That we will all either humble ourselves or be humbled. So it is once again that come to the start of another day not yet ready for humility to lead in my heart.
I want so much more in this life than what I have at the moment. And this is clearly the issue at hand. I am not content with the providence and leading of the Lord in my life. I am still bitter and angry and disappointed and depressed and anxious and fearful and embarrassed. I know the right emotions and feelings that I should have. I know the heart attitude that I want to cultivate and see grow within me. I am working diligently to remind myself of the good and loving hand of my Father as he leads and guides me along this path. But it is quite a challenge.
Humility is challenging. It fights against me each and every day. Humility is the path of obedience and one that I do want to take. I just find it tiresome. As I look around and compare myself to others, it is difficult. But I know that my comparison is in the wrong direction. My comparison should be with Jesus. The same Jesus who led a life of complete humility and obedience to the Father. This is my model and guide. A man that loved the Lord with all his heart, soul, mind, and strength. This same man has told me that the Spirit lives within me and dwells with me. He is my strength for humility and perseverance. It is through him alone that humility will grow and thrive in my heart. That as I seek the heart of Jesus, I will grow in humility. Not for any other reason than to be obedient to Christ and demonstrate my love for him alone.