Journal Entry // March 6, 2021
we went through fire and through water; yet you have brought us out to a place of abundance.Psalm 66:12 ESV
Psalm 66 is an interestingly relevant study into my current metal state. There is a focus on the trials and adversity that the Psalmist remembers, but there is a dedication and hope about the present and the future. This is where the Lord is leading me. I think I have been so focused on the “fire” and “water” that my present has become clouded and muddied. I have placed too much emphasis on learning from my past mistakes and mulling over what has been lost to the detriment of seeing the hand of the Lord leading me to a place of abundance.
This abundance is not manifested in a physical way through earthly treasures, although this is true. This abundance is manifested in my relationship to the Lord. I know that if you read through my journal the past 12 months you will see me processing and working through the loss and grief. But all this was and is necessary to drive me closer to Jesus.
For you, O God, have tested us; you have tried us as silver is tried. You brought us into the net; you laid a crushing burden on our backs;Psalm 66:10-11 ESV
This is the truth that I needed to confront in my heart. That the trial and adversity was brought into my life by my Lord for my good. He tested me and I faltered. He tried me and I trusted in myself. I went through fire and water. It was not fun, but it was necessary. It was necessary to get my attention and show me the hardness of my callous heart. To show me that my pride and arrogance was leading me away from God. That like Jonah, I was heading the complete opposite direction in disobedience to the Lord.
But he has rescued me and brought me to this place of abundance. A place where my sin is continually exposed. It still hurts and it still brings shame, but in this place of abundance I am not hiding any longer. I am exploring the darkness that still lingers in my heart. I suspect it will always linger. But this battle is driving me to Jesus. Sure, there are times where I still struggle. I would be worried if not. There will be moments where despair may shake me. But my hope is in the Lord, and he will rescue me. He is my Rock and my fortress.
This is a walk with Christ. A slow leisurely walk along a path fraught with dangers on every side. Dangers that want to distract me and lead me away from the path. Yet I want to cling to Jesus as we keep moving forward. I want to keep my gaze focused on Christ alone. My true salvation.